habibi16

so i havent written in forever. life right now is a mess. everything thats goin on in the middle east hit me hard this time. i mean its been goin on for years but i guess its cuz i have people on both sides. one of my closest friends is from israel and just went back the other day. i have family livin in lebanon n syria. im constantly being stuck in the middle of every situation. hasnt there been enough innocent lives murdered in the name of what? i dont see a reason for all this blood shed. there isnt a reason, there never is to take a life, something so precious. to be lost over...nothing. it seems like life isnt worth a thing anymore. were in a new age where a second not connected to the internet is stressful. but yet theres still fighting. both sides has its wrongs and rights, but is it worth the murders? people losing their homes? families? losing thousands of years of artifacts? when is it enough?

life likes to play these tricks on me... i thought i could have found someone to make me happy...but i was wrong like usual...but funny thing is im ok with it...we werent really much of anything, just friends with posibilities i guess you can say.

i move back to school on tues, it came so fast..these past 3 weeks have been so much fun, i got to pretend i was in my own apartment livin on my own with my brother of course...haha i liked it, it just proved to me that when i graduate i need my own place..well thats if i have a job i cant afford somethin without a job!! my parents come back mon, we bought them an oven cuz they needed a new one so they are gonna be surprised when they come and see it!! other than men problems im doin good...ive lost 10 pounds since i came home, so i figured id do this whole weight loss thing slowly only cuz im not willin to give up all the foods i like, but i do love walkin and runnin my 4 miles almost everyday except my legs are kickin my ass oh well its gonna be worth it in the end!

so its july 31st, and its kinda cold...lol what kind of summer is this...so in 2 days my parents are leavin for 3 weeks im really excited. they never go anywhere, so for once they are gonna leave us and go...gonna be havin some fun in the next 3 weeks :)

loneliness has been my emotion for a long time... so i sit here tryin to figure out what ive done wrong, i cant figure it out. ive opened up a lot more than before. Ive tried new things, but ill never try to be someone im not. thats one thing im never gonna change is who i am for someone. i need an escape, i need to get out of my usual life, need to explore new places, find new people. i just dont want to feel this feeling anymore. everytime i think ive found someone, it just ends up in disappointment. i dont know what to do anymore. i stopped lookin and they found me, but it never works, i think im doomed to be alone forever....at least ill always have my friends in the end....thats one thing to cherish is my friendships with people....

home just sounds so good by the day...I cant wait to get back to my wooney ways! so my plans for the summer: work my ass off, go runnin twice a day, hang out with all my friends, visit danny!! go with danielle on vaca, fall in love!! haha fallin in love would be amazin but whatever im chill wit anything!!

its funny how the people you trust the most seem to be the ones that hurt you the most...ya im included....it sucks im just glad im going home soon....away from it all....

theres just so much to do, but not enough time...

why do i always wish i were someone different? i want to be more outspoken, who knows why im not...

i just need the sunshine to warm my spirit up...

so i learned something last night, Ive changed a lot since high school. Im more open and less shy, I know I'm still shy, but not as usuall.

So last night (St. Patrick's Day) even though the real meaning of the holiday isnt for drinking and what not, me danielle ari and tara were suppose to go to the bar and meet up with my cousin and jess. So i call jakki around 8ish and shes like well me and jess are laying down now and we dont really feel good. I was so sad, and i was like ok thats fine whatever. I had to stop by my room to get something, I walk in see danielle sittin at my computer and there was a girl standing over her. I looked at her and it didnt even click that it was my cousin until like 5 seconds later, haha of course being the girl that I am, i started to scream..haha i love surprises. haha!! so we go to bar 1 real sketch but oh well, we walk in and there were so many wooney guys there...haha most that i graduated with and stuff..haha had so much fun, ari almost got in a fight, got followed home, and didnt go to bed till like 4... so much fun, cant wait till the next time!!

happy st. patrick's day!

This is my favorite poem by an old friend....

What If
What if by a chance
your friendships were
taken away from you
but you meet that one special girl
and by chance she wants you

What if she wants to dance
or she wants to be held
but at the same time she is afraid
that a friend of hers has held your heart

What if you dont take that chance
and let it slip out of your reach

What if I told you that
I took that chance
What If


missin that friend...

at the end of the night, i still dream of you

so im sitting here at work. i had to drive from wooney to bristol to sit around, watch tv and do nothing! best job ever. even though i walked in and there were dishes in the sink...haha oh well..i love this job its the best!! so im home for spring break! wish i were going somewhere but got no money! joy!! but of course like every vacation, im sick :( it seems that when im at school and i have lots of stuff to do i dont get sick even though everyone around me was sick...my body just doesnt allow me cuz im never slowed down, im always on the move. but the second i have nothing to do my body's like fu your gettin sick now. not to mention yesterday i took the PPST or Praxis 1 test...stupid standandized testing for becoming a teacher...it reminded me of the SAT's and ACT's whats funny is that in my education classes they taught me how these tests are nothing but yet i have to take them...haha whatever hopefully i did good cuz i paid 130 bucks for the test...

peace

Ive never realized how much I want to do with my life. I want to accomplish so much. I want to be so many things. I know the path Im going on right now is perfect for me. But theres so much more that I want to do. I dont really let people into my dreams, mostly because of the fear of being crushed. but for some reason tonight I feel like sharing.

I want to be a writer, I want to write childrens stories. I want to write short stories, I want to go on a book tour and see the world!

I want to travel. I want to go to all over the world. I want to discover the different cultures. I want to see how it feels to be in the rainforest. I want to feel the desert underneath my feet. I want to watch the sunset in figi.

I want to be famous. I want to share this dream with my cousin. She wants to be an actress, I want to be a producer. I want to produce music, shows, anything.

I want to get over my fears, I want to jump off a bridge (with cords of course). I want to feel like im flying into nothing. Feel the warm air flowing through my hair, my eyes tearing with excitement.

I want to climb a mountain. Feel the atmosphere at the highest point. Pretend Im on a cloud in the sky. Floating so lightly in the sky above.

I want to discover a part of me that Ive never known. I want to sing at the top of my lungs,and make the world listen.

I want all these dreams to come true. I believe I can. Do you believe?

best thing in life is being truely happy!! thanks sarah for all your wisdom! it means a lot to me!

so i was sittin at the bball game with liz and i look over behind the other teams players, i was actually looking at a baby when i looked at the 3 girls sitting directly behind the players...it was laura, courtney and kate!! so excited! a little bit of wooney at rwu!! haha gotta love the wooney chicks!! hahahaha but still lovin my bham girsl, cuz without ya's id never have crazy ass stories!!

i wish there was a way to make the past disappear. I dwell way too much in it. There are things that a person will never share, but by not sharing, your hurting yourself even more. every person has one secret they just dont want to remember. its funny how your memory of the past plays a key factor in the future....

 

 

Steph--hope everything goes well!!

so its been forever it seems. not in much of a writing mood, and ive been really busy...

still alive...still wondering....

appreciate what you have, some people dont have it, and some lose everything in seconds...

i havent had the time to write, well i prob did have time, i was just lazy...haha well my bday was good only cuz of jess and jakki! the morning of my bday my mom woke me up yelling at me, for no reason at all...so that made being 20 suck...but the night before (jan 15) me jakki and jess went to applebees for desert and they had the staff come sing...of course its traditional..haha then we went and saw coach carter, good movie! then on sunday night i went over to jakkis moms so jakki and jess could give me my present (which was a guess? purse, a xoxo belt and a boston hat!!) i loved my presents so much!! and they made me a ghetto cake!! just as i like it!! thanks girls!!

i moved back to school the 17th and it felt so good to be back! on that tuesday the girls had a surprise bday party for me and my roomie! hehe ari and tara decorated their room with streamers and a long ass poster thingy with me and chris's pics on it! so much fun!! haha love ya girls!! 

this weekend was so much fun! met new people! always fun!!!

schools not that bad, im actually excited for all my classes, i know 2 of my teachers cuz i had them before so its all good! i have so much work to do and i still have to get some books, its crazy!! oh well thats life!

we had so much snow! classes were cancelled !!Yay for snowdays!! haha havent had one in a long time,i dont think they belived in them in high school...oh well!

this semester should be fun!!

i just want to be your friend again...